The B-List

Every now and again I am reminded of a two month period in my life four years ago, as of this writting. During that unforgettable two month period I basically entered the homes of countless people all over sweden. I am, of course, talking about the power of television.

I appeared on a talant show with nasty judges and sang for the entire country. All with a smile on my face. I did well for myself. I wasn’t exactly a favorite. A bit of an underdog to be honest. Perhaps that’s why I made it to a well deserved 3rd place. People cared enough to vote me there. Sometimes that fact conforts me.

I wouldn’t have been apart of this whole thing if I didn’t think I could handle it. And addmittingly I allmost felt the pressure of all the negativity crush me like a wet noodle. Yet I soldiered on, took my beatings and never complained or openly attack anyone. (Believe me I got the goods on some people.)

But what about now? 8 years later. Does anybody really care? Has my celebrity worn off? Am I a Has Been? The answer, quite simply put is: Yes.

Some people (mostly kids) think it’s neat to see someone they recognize from tv. That’s understandable. And I enjoy the positive attention as anyone would. I smile and wave back and they giggle. It’s cute.

On the other hand there are the haters. People who think that anyone who has made an appearence on tv is worthless. Some people see me take a good look at me and imediately have nothing but some smart ass remark designed to remind me of my status.

I met this man on a train once. He was a real Alpha-male and he was talking to a bunch of girls and one of them recognized me. I was invited to sit by them. They asked me if I would sing for them. (Which is tricky because 1. you don’t wanna sound bad and 2. you don’t want people to think your that starved for attention.) This guy, who was 27 years old at the time, felt threatened by me and imediately starts AMOGing me! (For those of you who haven’t read the Game, it’s when a player recognizes a threat, in most cases an Alpha-Male, and strategically gains the popular vote in a gang of females. There by removing the threat.)

I didn’t sing for them that day. Knowing that he would do anything to sabotage me it just felt like the smartest thing to do is let be. After all if he wants a bunch of seventeen year old he can have ’em. It’s not that serious.

I know of a girl who I had the agony of sitting with on the train ride home not long ago. She apparently has a bit of a crush on me. To be quite honest you don’t say such mean things to people unless you want them to notice you. (Maybe I’m old school but nice is nice and mean is mean. I choose nice.) Anywho, She again questions my status like so many other haters before her.

I get hurt sometimes. Even mad. As of this date I am not hot stuff. I don’t have a number 1 album/movie under my belt. When people want a great show I’m not the first person they think of. Part of me fears that the hater is right. I was a nobody even when I was a somebody. I haven’t been in the media reciently. I don’t have a huge body of work that anybody can find on Spotify.

So why haven’t I killed myself allready? Simple. Faith. I know that I am destined for greatness. I’m not Timberlake or Pegg, but if you ask them how long it took to get to where they are today, the answer would be: Many years of hard work. Right now I’m facing that period in my life. the hard work period.

But untill then, I’ll enjoy the benefits of not being an A-lister. A larger margin of anonymity for example. No paparazi.

Upon reflection I can actually look at the negativity the haters spit on me and realise that it’s all really a form of addmiration. (Allthough I might wanna avoid travelling by train for a while.)

The B-List
Fillip Williams

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