A couple of weeks ago a friend and I where traveling to Gothenburg from Skövde. It was kinda late. We had just performed the musical HAIRSPRAY for the last time and we were both feeling a bit hungry. “You want McDonalds?” Linus asked. (That’s my friends name.) I wanted something to eat so Mickey D’s was perfect at the time. So we pull over into the town of Skara, and before you know it we were in the drive through. We still had this buzz of excitement from our last show in our heads. We were in good spirits. After we place our order, I get this urge to wanna flirt with the girl taking our order just by hearing her voice. Turns out I sure can pick ’em. She was a real cutey.
Now from my POV both my friend and I were spontanious charming and funny. The girls we spoke to, Malin and Malin, didn’t seem the least bit irritated, or peturbed. But then again what do I know about what women think? For all I know Malin had a long day and five minutes before we rolled up she was sexually harrassed by her much older boss. “What are you talking about? I’m only 23!” says Adam, Malin’s supervisor. SHUT UP YOU! I shreik as I scold him with boiling water. While the fictional character of Adam screams in pain on the floor of my basement. I lock the door shut and continue my story while sipping a cup of warm coco.
Where was I? Oh yeah. Well anyway, My friend and I are just about to congradulate eachother on being awsome and that when it happened… the title of this blog post came to fruition. Not like that you perverts!
We were given our meals and we drove off. I started with the Fries as one does because cold fries taste nasty, don’t they? Linus was driving so it wasn’t really the time to eat a burger. To be nice I waited for us to pullover somewhere to eat efficiently. We must have driven 6 miles (i’m no good at mesuring distance so I’m just guessing.) before we finally pulled over.
I was sooo hungry! Mmmm… this was gonna hit the spot! We both open the the cardboard protective box and attempt several times lift up the burger. What happened? The bread must be really soggy or something. What the hell!? They didn’t give us the bread bottoms! Not only that but we recieved no napkins either! We got screwed!
This has never happened to me before. I’m a nice guy. I’m not exactly used to being had by strangers just because. So forgive my initial shock. I wasn’t just shocked but the more I had to eat a Big Tasty upside down as luke warm grease drips down my hands. I started thinking who would do this? Why someone would do this and if in some way did we deserve it? The girl who took our order doesn’t have anything to do with the making of the burger. Unless she told the people who make the burger to mess with us. My thoughts, which at this point are very vocal and are all over the place, consider all possiblities. Most of them involved the conclusion that girls are untrustworthy sneaky creatures that thrive off of making nice guys feel terrible. It’s safe to assume I wasn’t in a rational mood. Linus however for the first time since I’ve known him was the uber opptimist (it’s not like he’s a Negative Nancy or Minus Linus as the case may be, I’ve onl known him for a few months.) starts thinking of possible ways this was a good thing, like “Maybe they made a mistake or maybe they did it on purpass so we wuld have to go back.” I wanted to believe him, I did but I was in a bad place where girls have ripped out my insides one too many times. Talk about overreacting! It’s just a botched burger! I should thank God they didn’t add a mysterious sauce to my beef sandwich. But that’s how my mind works, if I get less then what I paid for at fastfood joint, I start questioning my place in the universe.
The next day Linus did the unthinkable… No, he didn’t hold an orphanage hostage untill the perpatraders finally revealed themselves. I say unthinkable because I never would of thought to do this. He found her on Facebook and confronted her about the issue. “She said she didn’t know anything about it.” He reported back to me. “She could be lying!” Why did I still care? We never did solve the case of the missing burger bottom… Damn THAT should have been the title. Oh well. If i had to make a realistic reason this happened I’d say the dude making the burger didn’t like two random guys successfully chatting up a girl he’s had a crush on since highschool and is actually working there just to work up the nerve to ask her to prom, know what I mean? He’s all like, “Those sons of bitches think they can just roll up and take her away from me? I’ll show them… Haha, not only will they have a difficulty eating this burger but the slow working poison I injected into the meat ought to cause a sudden death a few weeks from now!” He laughs maniacally as th