I was in a bad place last I wrote. But since then things have changed.
Your outside is effected by strengthening your inside, and your inside can equally be the result of your outside.
There is of course a dark side to this statement but i don’t wanna waste all my time explaining all the details. Lemme just tell you where I am.
I’ve been contacted by a former colleague of mine who was a directed a few musicals I’ve been involved in by the name of Jerker Fahlström. He asked me if I wanted to have an adventure and get some pay for it. I asked him hat this was all about, but the details were kinda hazey. All I knew really was that we will be apart of some kindom “workshops”/Show along with theater groups from both Poland and Lithuania. First things first, team Sweden needed to practice. So a couple of weeks ago I went down to Skåne (the south of Sweden) and I met the others. Annelie Virkberg also a former colleague from my musical days in AMTS (Alingsås Musikteatersällskap). She’s an amazingly talented musical artist/choreogragher. Thomas Wennsten, knew Annelie from before and he too is a talented musical artist. Avslutning: på djupet har vi mycket gemensamt som människor
Leif vet för nuvarande inte hur programmen kommer att integreras på Film Högskolan. Han’s nya projekt kommer vara mediamanagement. Han vill jobba på att förbättra filmdistribution och filmvisning för de filmerna som inte är självklara hits, och ge dom en chans på biograferna. María Arnadóttir is an actress that Jerker knew from before and she too is talented and I must add that everyone in this group has a wonderful sense of humor. Something about this team’s dynamic makes me feel like I was an important part of the group and my roll was one I would love to have carry over to my normal life.
After spending four days in Skåne, and meeting the other teams, it was like my roll in the group and our unique dynamic was magnified! Those four days were great fun! We leared stage fighting , walked around the viking village replica, and partied allot! Oh and we squeezed in some practice. we are putting to gether a show after all.
The return to life:
I come back from Skåne, back from escaping my worries (Dad’s 60th birthday celebration, school work, summer finances)and I come back to life where all those problems were just waiting for me. Back to school and I was allready missing the person I was in Skåne with my group. I was affraid my true personality would fade into oblivion. I felt like I was vibrating at a different frequency then the others in my class.
Last week in class we had to partake in a workshop that was really hyped. I was curious. As we started i remember feeling like i wanted to break away from the rest of my class and do the opposite of them to kinda make a statement. Weird part was i was doing it for the wrong reasons. It finally hit me. I know who I am and why I chose to do what I do. If anyone asks I have answer. But I don’t have to do anything just to fit in. I don’t have to make a statement. Actions speak louder then words.
That has sat with me allot this week. “Actions speak louder then words.” I was gonna have a lunch date with someone. That person didn’t bother to come. Didn’t call. It was only after I wrote a nice guy text that I got a two hour late reply giving me a story why they couldn’t come. And it hit me hard. If this person really gave a crap, they would have been there on time, or called on time or gave me the feeling that they wanted to be with me, period.
Back at the workshop people got emotional. The kind of emotional that involves crying and getting in touch with feelings. Which any good workshop of this kind should result in. I however was detatched from all this. I had nothing really to get off my cheast that bothered me. I was content with myself. But seeing so many of my classmates in distress pushed me into action. I spoke up. And this must be God putting the right words in my mouth but I could see that my statements really had effected the whole class.
Then it hit me. In THIS group I have a different roll. I’m the observer. The outsider who in the right moment comes in with a different point of view to offer and hopefully make a difference in a positive way.
The last thing I said that day was this:
“Once I was in a room full of strangers. I kept to myself pretty much untill a friend came up to me and said. “Don’t be so egotistical. You are keeping your wonderful and unique personality all to yourself!””
Think about that… it’s all about perspective!